Do you stay for the rest of eternity in your dirt filled grave six feet under? when your muscles, tissue and guts all deteriorate all thats left are your bones until they turn to dust.
Is hell really what you make it?
Do you go to heaven or hell? Is there a heaven or hell? Does how you lead your life on earth matter in whether you are going to heaven or hell? If I really give my whole self to God during my time on earth, how will i truly know that it pays off in the end?
They say God loves you no matter what. Even if you have turned your back on him. My heart has turned cold for him. I don't think it will ever change. It seems like i have had every type of preacher try to get me to believe in God. I had a turning point in school...9 years of Catholic school. 5 of which i can honestly say I did believe in God. It all changed around 6th grade. The teachers there...the priests...teaching us all how God was so fucking good...how he gave up his one and only son so WE can be saved. Thats one kind of teacher. This guy then just pops up out of no where...he's given his whole self to God. Hes still a fucking 20-ish virgin for fuck's sake. I can't open my mouth and say one thing...even one GOOD thing about faith, God, Jesus, Christians...whatever...unless i want him to read the whole fucking bible to me. Yes...Dereck...give it up...I'm not ready (that'd be kinda contridicting if i was talking about something else...heehee) The second type of teacher...in form of a man you lust over. You're walking down the street, downtown. God, you love it there...so much chaos. So, you're walking...hoping to go just...simply buy some trashy lingerie or.."souvenirs" (lol) whatever you want to call them. But no...the Jamaican guy out front of the department store shoves a bible in your hands. He tells you to read Pslams 'some number':'some number'. Hes gotta ask you when you where baptized...IF you were baptized...why you have so many holes in your ears and slits on your arms. "Cutting yo self is no good mon.." "Wat is all dees holes...why do yoo piece yo self?" He tells both you and your best buddy to read 10 different bible verses..hes got the whole thing memorized so he reads it out loud while you're pretending to read along. Then you grab the brochures he points at you and walk away to your trashy lingerie.
(just a note...i have nothing against Jamaican people)
I'm too fucking young to believe in God just yet. I want to live my life dammit. Not have it be based around something. Especially not a religion that requires energy in giving faith. Maybe God is for people who have something to be afraid of. In that case I may just be there someday...sitting there...in church...rolled up in bubble wrap... just to make sure i don't dry hump the pews or fuck an alter boy...get drunk on the holy fucking blood of christ...bow down to the fucken calf i spray painted gold...slap my mom or dad with a rosary...suddenly develope torrets and scream at the top of my lungs "OH MY FUCKING GOD!"...kill the old senile lady next to me with a crucifix...steal the the gospel from the podium and the run away with thy nieghbors wife...or ass (or husband...i guess in this case) and never intend to keep the holy fucking sabbath holy then blame it all on thy nieghbor.And yeah, maybe i will regret my choice...but right now...thats a chance i'm willing to take. And if hell is what you make it...it may not be so bad...
I'm out mon.
